Friendships are often described as easy, natural, and spontaneous. But for neurodivergent individuals, they can feel confusing, effortful, or even exhausting. If you live with autism, ADHD, or otherwise identify as neurodivergent, you may relate to the experience of craving connection—but also needing space, clarity, or different kinds of boundaries.

At Wild Mountain Clinical Counselling, we hear from many neurodivergent clients who ask:
Why is friendship so hard for me?
Why do I feel like I’m too much—or not enough?

You’re not alone. And there’s nothing wrong with you.

Why Friendships Can Feel More Complex When You’re Neurodivergent

Social norms aren’t always designed for neurodivergent brains. You may experience:

·   Difficulty interpreting social cues like tone, body language, or timing

·   Overthinking interactions or worrying you’ve said the “wrong” thing

·   Feeling emotionally exhausted after social events

·   Struggling to maintain contact due to executive dysfunction

·   Discomfort with small talk and craving deeper conversations

·   Masking your true self to avoid rejection or judgment

These aren’t personality flaws. They’re reflections of a nervous system and cognitive style that interact with the world differently.

The Loneliness of Masking

To avoid standing out or being misunderstood, many neurodivergent people mask—hiding their quirks, forcing eye contact, mimicking social scripts, or pretending to enjoy things they don’t.

While masking may help in the short term, it often leads to:

·   Emotional burnout

·   Shame and self-doubt

·   Friendships that feel inauthentic

·   A sense of never being truly known or accepted

Authentic connection can only grow when you feel safe to be yourself.

Supporting Yourself in Friendship

1. Define What Friendship Means to You

You don’t need a big social circle or constant hangouts to feel connected. What you value—be it deep one-on-one chats, occasional texts, or shared interests—is valid.

2. Communicate Your Social Needs

Let friends know how you best connect. Maybe you prefer texting over phone calls, or shorter visits instead of long hangouts. Clear communication prevents misunderstandings.

3. Don’t Take “Low Contact” Personally

You or your friends may go quiet for a while—and that’s okay. Neurodivergent friendships often thrive on understanding that connection doesn’t have to be constant to be real.

4. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

It’s okay to say no to plans when you’re overstimulated or need downtime. Real friends will respect your limits.

5. Seek Out Neurodivergent Community

Connecting with others who “get it” can be incredibly affirming. You may find ease in relationships where you don’t have to explain or justify how your brain works.

6. Allow Friendships to Evolve

Not all friendships will last—and not all friendships need to look the same. It’s okay to outgrow connections or redefine what friendship looks like in different seasons of your life.

You Deserve Friendship That Feels Safe and Real

Friendship doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to follow neurotypical scripts. It just has to feel safe, reciprocal, and true to who you are.

At Wild Mountain Clinical Counselling, we honour neurodivergent ways of connecting. Whether your friendships are unconventional, slow-burning, or beautifully quiet—you deserve relationships where you feel seen and celebrated, just as you are.