If you’ve ever been to counselling, you may recall a moment—often during the first session or even on the intake form—where you were informed of the risks of therapy. One of the most unexpected among them? Changes to your relationships.
It can feel jarring. You walk in thinking you’re getting support to improve your mental health, reduce anxiety, or work through a personal crisis. Suddenly you’re told that as you change, your relationships might shift too. Why does this happen? What kinds of changes might occur, and how can you prepare for this transition?
Why Do Relationships Change During Counselling?
Counselling is fundamentally about change. It offers space for reflection, insight, and growth. You begin to notice patterns, set boundaries, and advocate for your needs in ways you may not have before. This can be empowering—but it can also disrupt familiar dynamics.
Relationships are built on shared routines, expectations, and roles. When one person begins to shift how they communicate or interact, the whole balance of the relationship can be affected. Sometimes, this leads to healthier connections. Other times, it can create tension or distance, especially if the other party is unprepared for or resistant to the change.
What Types of Changes Can Occur?
1. Improved Communication: As you develop skills to express yourself more clearly or assertively, you may find that some people respond positively, while others struggle to adjust.
2. New Boundaries: You might realise that you’ve been overextending yourself in certain relationships. Setting boundaries can lead to more balanced connections, but may also cause conflict or disappointment.
3. Emotional Shifts: Greater self-awareness can change how you feel about your relationships. What once felt comforting may now feel limiting or emotionally taxing.
4. Ending or Recalibrating Relationships: In some cases, you may come to terms with the need to step away from toxic or stagnant relationships. In others, you might redefine what the relationship looks like moving forward.
What Is the Transition Period Like?
The transition period can be confusing, even painful. You may feel misunderstood, lonely, or unsure of your new footing. The people around you might question your changes or accuse you of being different. And in truth, you are different. You’re growing.
This in-between phase is often where the greatest internal work happens. It’s where you learn to trust yourself, navigate discomfort, and hold steady as you build new relational patterns. It’s also a time of testing—not in the sense of judgment, but in terms of discovering which relationships can grow with you.
What Should You Remember During This Time?
· Growth Is Not Betrayal: Changing doesn’t mean you’re turning your back on people. It means you’re learning how to show up for yourself.
· Discomfort Is Normal: It’s okay to feel uncertain. Counselling often brings clarity, but that clarity doesn’t always come with immediate peace.
· Some Resistance Is About Fear: People close to you may resist your growth because they fear change or loss. Their reactions are more about them than about you.
· You Deserve Healthy Relationships: It’s not selfish to seek connections that honour your well-being.
· Support Is Essential: Surround yourself with people who affirm your journey—whether that’s friends, a support group, or your counsellor.
Conclusion
Counselling can be a transformative journey—not just for your inner world, but for your outer world, too. As you heal and grow, your relationships may be challenged, reshaped, or even redefined. While this process can be unsettling, it’s also a sign of authentic change. And with time, the connections that remain will likely be stronger, healthier, and more aligned with the person you’re becoming.
